Status #9379

How to manage anger? I was so angry ones that I [...]

Gotlands län
via The Full Circle Project
How to manage anger?
I was so angry ones that I could not finger out anything accept just “enjoy” my anger and willingness to smash things, punch faces, all this bureaucracy dumbness, lie, bankers, gangs of people that call them selfs government ore other gangs all cut up in competition.
I was so emotionally overwhelmed, that I could not think straight all I could see is enemy images...
I start to breath deep and slow repeating to my self that is all just in my head it is not real. Well it is real, but imaginary real. So why I feel such a rage? What do I want?
Meaning, honesty, connection with other human beings... It is actually, beautiful(?) I like it. I am not psychopath. I just get stuck in my own judgments and disconnected with observe able life.
As stronger emotional out brake is, as more precious human need hides behind it. For a while I switched from anger to empathy to my self, I realized that what ever happening with me is about me, but still that sweet itchy desire to punch some one in the face bothers some where in the head…
Violence is very desire able and enjoyable in our society. Not directly, but first you accept imagination about right and wrong and then right thing to do is every mens dream, specially when you know you will win and chicks watch it. Seems to me that as long as you are right, cruelty is perceived with, male, macho, ego, hero... and in the end of the movie you kiss a hot chick.
So what kind of rabbits fucking in your brain? Do you find it familiar? If not, then you don't have TV from childhood. When western white people showed to amazon children 'Thom & Jerry' they start cry and turn away considering it is cruel evil beyond imaginary. That is correct, their imagination was not exposed to psychopathy (= Hollywood).
I find out that I have difficulty to accept and tell even to my self, when no one else in the room, that I actually need compassion. It is as difficult as to tell a girl that I love her. Why? What is that , neurosis? Why in our society make love is big taboo, wow, big deal and violence it just daily snack?
It is difficult, probably unimaginable to see any screen with out violence. Truth ore false? get your amusement box on and how many seconds will past till violence appear? Competition, hate, manipulation, lie, strong indoctrination about right and wrong and hero of cause do right thing.
I pinch my self, Ouch! that hurts, what else I can feel? Do you know how loneliness feels? I men it is a lots of people around, but ...not those ass-holes no no not my neighbors they would not understand, they are stupid brain washed idiots... deep inhale, again imagination(?). What is behind those judgments? My own unfulfilled need for compassion and mistrust that I could ever again get connected and all those images from the past (it is irrelevant if it comes from life ore TV), lack of compassion stimulates pain like desperate cry for love, understanding and that what anger is. I never sow people who would lie about their anger, it is as sincere as urge to pie. So first we need confirm feelings either it is some one else or my self. Then I connect my feelings to my own need, no imaginary stuff no thinking that other people some how responsible for what is life in me. By giving other people awareness about their feelings and connecting those feelings to their needs, thats a way to escape from punch in the face, and bring them to present reality.
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